Eternally Crafty
by Witty Nickname
Summary: A glimpse into the life of an arts and crafts addicted vampire. Come along on Marko's - and his unwilling covens - odd adventure as he strives to perfect his hobby.


******Chapter One: Paul vs. Glitterator**

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**[Wednesday , May 12th, 1986 ]**

It was just after sunset when, as usual, Marko strolled into 'Thompson's Arts & Crafts Supply House'. Julie, the owner, knew this young teen quite well. He stands at 5' 7", has long curly blond hair, and an angelic face, complete with bright blue eyes and a killer smile. He's also one of the local punks that lives here in Santa Carla.

Yes, a young biker who, for whatever reason, adores crafting. He is extremely good at his little hobby too, which is surprising in such a young person. Even more surprising for a young male.

She would have questioned his 'preferences' had she not seen him with a different girl practically every night. He is quite the little ladies man.

He's also an extreme pain in her ass. She wouldn't have been surprised to find his picture next to 'picky' in the dictionary. Not that 'picky' actually covered his attitude – no, not by a long shot.

Once again he was bickering with her about the crystals. Apparently they're not 'mystic' enough for his little bottle project. Whatever the hell that was.

Three minutes of arguing later ended with Marko being thrown, literally, out the door by Julie.

"I don't want to see you back in here again!"

"I'm your best customer!"

"You're not worth the stress!"

"It's not my fault your crystals are flawed!"

Her reply to that was to simply slam the door in his face.

Marko glared at the door with a pout, wondering if she knew just how lucky she was he hadn't ripped her throat out years ago. Probably not, she was pushing fifty; most women in her age bracket saw him as the angelic type. Looks truly can be deceiving.

If she didn't have the only craft store in town he'd have killed her. Fortunately for her, his passion for his hobby was a strong one. Despite the teasing it got from his packmates. Mainly Paul.

"Aunt Julie's really mad this time."

Marko jumped slightly at the small voice before whipping around, just now noticing the small boy behind him. Thank God none of the guys saw this small lapse in awareness, they'd never let him hear the end of it. Mainly Paul.

Recognizing the kid as Julie's nephew (the poor kid was being raised by her) standing by the side of the building, just in front of a small alley that led behind the store.

"She'll get over it. Did you get the goods?" he asked, moving away from the shop door towards the boy.

A small head topped with shaggy brown hair tilted to the side, a dark skeptic eyebrow rose. "Did you get my mine?" countered the nine year old.

Marko nodded, reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small object wrapped in a white plastic bag. The child reached into his torn jeans and pulled out a small unlabeled brown bottle. In a completely business-like manner they exchanged their goods, the whole scene looking much more shady then it really was.

Both now satisfied, Marko with his special ordered glue, and the child with his candy, they shared a nod and headed their separate ways.

"Catch ya later Laddie!" Marko called over his shoulder, now headed home to the cave.

* * *

Three hours later found Marko and two of his pack mates, Dwayne and David, sitting in the lobby of the sunken hotel. Paul was off doing... whatever it is he does in his spare time. Marko didn't want to know what that was, so he never asked.

Both of the elder vampires are reading books, David sprawled out in his armchair, and Dwayne sitting on the old fountain. Looking up from his sketchbook, Marko took a quick glance around, stretching out his senses, making sure Paul wasn't within hearing distance. Not sensing his 'brother' anywhere close enough, he put down his book and pencil, sitting up from his position on the couch.

"I have an idea I'd like to run by you guys, while Paul's not around," he said seriously, causing Dwayne to pause in his reading to look over at him questioningly. David on the other hand, did no such thing.

"If this is about putting him on Ritalin, the answer is still no. Max refused to pay for it," David replied in a bored tone, flipping to the next page in his book.

"That's because he doesn't have to live with him," Dwayne muttered under his breath.

Marko shook his head. "No, this is about something else. I was wondering if you guys would back me up if I asked Max for a business loan," he explained.

Silenced engulfed the room for a minute before David slowly turned his head to look at his childe, a perplexed expression covering his face.

"For what?"

"I want to start my own craft shop."

"That's stupid--"

"It's not! Look at Max, he runs a business! Just because I'm a vampire doesn't mean I can just loiter around forever, and I think this is a great career choice for me," Marko said, interrupting David. Something that he (or any of the boys) normally wouldn't dare to do.

David put down his book and sat up straight, concern for his second youngest flowing through him. A vampire with a normal career was odd enough, but a vampire owning a crafts shop? Exactly where had he gone wrong in teaching him? David fought back an irritated growl, wishing he'd never supported the curly haired vamps little hobby to begin with.

But come on, how was he supposed to know it would go this far? He assumed it was a phase. Assumed it would pass. Maybe this is how Max felt when David himself decided to start a biker gang....

Dwayne on the other hand was nowhere near as lost on this as David.

"Julie threw you out of the store again, huh?" asked the dark haired vampire, a smirk crossing his lips.

Marko hung his head a little. "Yes."

"Tell you what, if it'll make you feel better you can decorate my jacket like you've been wanting. It'll take your mind off things till she cools down."

David hid a sigh of relief, thankful (not that he'd admit it; he could have done it himself) that Dwayne defused the situation, and picked back up his book.

"Yeah, use that glitter thing you just had to have a month ago. You know, that thing you haven't touched since," David said, throwing a stern look at Marko.

Honestly, he'd begged for months to get one, finally does, and spent more time decorating the box up to put his bead collection in. Parenting was very exhausting. David was starting to realize why Max kicked Dwayne and himself out after two hundred years. Absently he wondered if humans have near as much trouble with their young ones.

He seriously doubted it.

"No glitter," Dwayne warned, taking off his leather jacket.

Marko's eyes went wide. "But -"

"No. But you can paint on it if you want," Dwayne offered instead.

"How about a bear? I could put it right on the back..." said the curly haired vamp, trailing off thoughtfully, taking the jacket from his brother.

Resigning himself to the fact that this was indeed happening, Dwayne tried to make the situation more to his liking. "Actually, I'd like a cheetah."

"Why?"

"It's one of my totems."

Marko pursed his lips, examining the jacket critically. "Hmm, I guess I can work with that."

"!!!!!!"

Both vampires paused their conversation to look towards the path leading deeper into the cave, where the scream came from. David made no move to acknowledge the scream and kept on reading. All three recognized the scream as belonging to Paul. None of them are concerned, but know that if one of them didn't check, Paul would never shut up about it.

Marko rolled his eyes. "I'll go, I have to get my paint supplies and Bedazzler anyway," he said, quickly vanishing down into the dark labyrinth that is their home.

Dwayne's eyes bugged out. "Bedazzler?"

David flipped another page. "You brought it on yourself."

"What was I supposed to do? He was depressed, and I didn't see you offering to cheer him up," Dwayne accused.

David gave a small shrug, his eyes never leaving the pages in front of him. "No, but if I had, I would've just offered to kill that Julie woman."

Silence.

Dwayne blinked, then let out a small curse. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because deep down you've always wanted to wear sparkly clothes?"

Dwayne was denied a retort as another scream echoed through the cave, this one belonging to Marko.

Dwayne and his blond haired sire shared a quick glance before dashing off to see what was wrong. Marko, unlike Paul, didn't believe in crying wolf.

A minute later they landed in the passage outside Marko's room, where said vamp stood there sputtering stupidly.

"He... he... my... super glue...."

Dwayne, closest to the room, pushed Marko aside and went in. "What's going on in he-- **_HOLY HELL!_**"

Marko ran back in while David winced at Paul's whining coming from the room. He sounded like a drowning cat.

Bracing himself for whatever his youngest had done this time, David entered the room. It was at this point he realized he needed to work on his mental bracing methods.

There in the middle of Marko's room, was Paul kneeling on the floor. Pants pulled down to his thighs, a brown bottle of some kind of liquid spilled on the floor beside him, and... and... a small pink plastic thing hanging from his penis. Squinting at the object, David almost reeled back in shock as he realized what it was.

Marko's Glitterator.

David didn't know if he should be more shocked at Paul's situation, or the fact that he knew the name, and function, of this pink preteen girly toy.

Dwayne and Marko kneeled beside the distraught vampire, Dwayne kicking the bottle out of the way.

"Just calm down Paul, stop yelling," he said, putting a comforting hand on the younger vampire's shoulder.

Paul let out a groan. "Help me dammit!" he demanded, hands waving around comically, unable to touch his current 'problem' without hurting himself.

Marko looked at Dwayne, panic and sympathy clear on his face. "What do we do?"

Dwayne thought about for a second, then reached down and...

"DON'T PULL IT! DON'T PULL IT!" Paul screeched.

Dwayne gripped his shoulder harder. "Paul hold still!"

"DON'T PULL! DAVID! THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!!"

Dwayne pulled his hands away when Paul's face morphed into vamp-mode, snapping at him.

"Just calm down man, David will fix it, right David?" Marko said, looking up at their sire for assurance.

David's face was void of any emotion, more so then usual. Not even the faintest trace of a smirk. Stepping backwards slowly he averted his eyes from them.

"David's going to need a moment," he said in complete deadpan, disappearing from their sight. All three shared a confused look until seconds later the sound of laughter roared throughout the cave.

Dwayne chuckled and turned back to Paul, who in no way found this funny, and continued to try and help him. Marko assisted after getting over hearing David laugh like that. He hadn't heard his sire laugh so hard since Thorn, Max's hellhound, got hit by the ice cream truck a year ago. Thorn survived, but it was still funny.

Five minutes later (with no success of removing the toy) David re-entered, tear streaks visibly running down his pale face. All three knew better than to acknowledge it though.

He entered just in time to hear Paul, slightly calmer now, explaining. "I just thought it would look cool all sparkly. I was bored."

Walking in David paused upon stepping on something, the sound of plastic cracking catching everyone's attention. Looking down he saw a clear plastic dome-like thing beneath his foot, a large crack straight through it. He looked at Marko.

"That was the top of the Glitterator," Marko explained.

David sighed and kicked it out of his path. "Alright, Marko, give me the glue he used."

Marko picked up the brown bottle and got up to hand it to David. Taking the glass bottle David examined it with a raised eyebrow.

"Where's the label?"

Marko cleared his throat nervously. "It, uh, well, it's an extreme adhesive, not sold to the general public. Julie has better connections then I do in the black market, but she won't sell it to me, so I have her nephew steal it from her for me. Thing is though, she removes all the original labels, and puts her own shop logo on it in case someone tips off the authorities."

A beat.

Dwayne recovered first. "Are you telling us that there's a crafting _underground_?" he questioned slowly in disbelief.

Paul snorted through his pain. "Dude, that's so stupid," he managed to say.

Marko narrowed his eyes at him. "So is trying to screw a glitter machine."

Paul's jaw dropped. "I wasn't try-- ARGH! WHY'D YOU FLICK IT?!!" he screamed when Marko reached out and flicked the toy with one finger. Paul doubled over, which wasn't smart, causing him to straighten back up quickly with a whimper.

David decided to ignore that whole exchange. "So, what you're telling me, is there's no instructions for removal, and it's too strong for regular glue removers?"

Marko shrugged sheepishly. "Pretty much."

David sighed tiredly, knowing there was only one thing he could do at this point.

* * *

**_DING DONG!_**

A minute ticked by with the boys (Marko and Dwayne on either side of Paul helping him stand, and David in front blocking him from view) standing on the front porch of a small white house. The place was surrounded by similar homes in this small peaceful neighborhood. White picket fences and all.

The door opened to reveal a sight none of the boys much cared for, especially this early in the night.

Max eyed them with surprise quickly followed by suspicion. "What are you doing here?"

David, following his lead, wasted no time with pleasantries."We have a small problem."

Marko snorted. "_Real_ small."

Paul's voice could be heard from somewhere behind David. "It's bigger than yours Mark-- AHH! STOP FLICKING IT! DAMMIT!"

Max narrowed his eyes at his childe, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Paul had a small mishap, we don't know how to fix it," David informed him.

Max fought not to roll his eyes. When would they grow up? Honestly.

"Boys, you cannot run to me to solve every little problem -"

David interrupted his speech. "He tried gluing glitter on his penis."

A beat.

And then...

"Just a moment."

Max closed the door.

Laughter erupted from behind it.

Paul's face slipped into fang once again. "This. Is. Not. Funny," he said through clenched teeth. Where was the love in this family?

The door opened back up, Max ushered them in, any evidence of his mirth completely gone.

"Alright, come on in boys. Now tell me exactly how this happened."

* * *

Two hours later they'd tried everything. Nail-polish remover, paint thinner, rubbing alcohol, lacquer thinner, and for some reason, Vaseline. The glue held true through it all. Paul was not a happy camper at this point. He may be a vampire, but he's also a man; his pain threshold does not support various chemicals on his genitals. Chemicals that should never be used in such an area.

Except the Vaseline of course.... but that one was painful in a completely different way. For all of them.

Now laying in a tub of warm soapy water Paul fought to stay still, least he disturb the water. Vampires and running water (in any form) was not a good mix. Granted this would only give him a small burn, but he was sore enough at this point. Dwayne and Marko sat at the side of the tub, each ready to grab him and haul him out in case the shower suddenly turned on.

Seriously.

Max had advised it, claiming Paul's luck was just that bad. None of them could argue that.

Max and David were currently in the other room, leaving the other three alone, and slightly disturbed over the nights events.

"I've never felt so gay in my life," Marko commented, still trying to get the Vaseline off his hands.

Despite his pain, Paul couldn't let that go. "You... enjoyed... every... minute..." he gritted out, followed by a screech of, "Don't you dare flick it!"

Two more minutes ticked by before David and Max entered the bathroom, which was barley large enough for all of them. Looking down at Paul, David sighed.

"This isn't working."

"We could try the nail-polish remover again," Marko offered.

"We used it all the first time," Dwayne said.

"Why don't we call this Julie woman and ask her to read the label to us?" Max suggested, moving to lean against the marble sink.

Marko shook his head. "Don't know her number, or where she lives, we'll have to wait until sunset tomorrow."

Everyone looked at Paul, shivering in pain in the tub.

"He's not going to last that long," Dwayne stated.

Max started to reply but Paul cut him off.

"Oh God," came his horrified whisper, his eyes glazing over with pain, delirium clearly setting in. "I think _it's_ falling of!"

David stood up straight, tired of all this he strode (not that there was much room for striding, but somehow he pulled it off) to the tub.

"Alright that's it, there's no other choice. Hold him down," he ordered Dwayne and Marko.

As they moved to comply Paul's eyes crossed briefly before refocusing on his sire.

"Wha -??" was all the injured vampire managed before David did the unthinkable. Even Max flinched in sympathy for his grandchilde.

**_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP_**

**"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"**


End file.
